Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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