so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
