I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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