Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
