david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
