So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
