saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
