How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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