So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
