He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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