I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
