We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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