I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Drunk is a universal language darling
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
