If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
