We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Randomize
