that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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