on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
