Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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