Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
