Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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