whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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