eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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