If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
