remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
