This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
