that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
