When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
please don't ironically join a cult
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