Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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