If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
