She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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