He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
