i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
