hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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