You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
