we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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