Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
