I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
