so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
