Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
