My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize