Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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