You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
