The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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