Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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