well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
