we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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