i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
