Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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