I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
