Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
