A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
