Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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