I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
