I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
