$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
