3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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