I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
