If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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