What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
