I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
